SHREVEPORT, LA – Less than a day after announcing the “Clean City User Fee”, Mayor Adrian Perkins announced a premium-package trash pick-up service would be available as well to Shreveporters.
Perhaps attempting to win over more support in Southern Trace and every third street in South Highlands, Mayor Perkins touted that the premium level – referred to as Gucci Garbage – will feature options for those who enjoy the finer things and may be the next step in improving the city.
“Gucci Garbage isn’t for everybody,” a very boujie Perkins smirked, “but neither is Shreveport. That’s what makes them both exclusive.”
There are definitely some perks to Gucci Garbage, according to the Mayor’s outline of the package:
- All Gucci Garbage workers wear tuxes.
- The Gucci Garbage trucks double as party buses with an upper-deck champagne bar to incentivize residents to get the trash to the curb on time.
- Gucci Garbage workers are trained to identify empty boxes and packaging from high-end items such as Cartier, Christian Louboutin, Rolex, and others in order to leave them out at your curb longer than the typical trash just so your neighbors know what’s up without you having to brag in person.
At press time, every fucking Tesla owner in Shreveport had already signed up.