SHREVEPORT, LA – “I was born for this, man,” says Kevin Spencer, Magnet class of 2003 alum, and owner of an inspection sticker set to expire in June 2019. “I’ve got 16 months left [on my inspection sticker], but sacrifices need to be made and I’m confident this will help my Lyft rating.”
Kevin’s attitude was not an isolated sentiment, as reports of Magnet alumni flocking to get their 4/20 inspection stickers have been been increasing as the month of April wears on. Kelly Patel, widely known for discovering a road rage vaccine as a junior at Magnet, gave us her thoughts on the phenomenon. “Society tells us how to act and behave, but coming from Magnet, you must know when and how to make statements about important topics. Marijuana is something I very much believe in. It was key in my road rage research and we need to tear down the stigma and bring marijuana research to the public square. I also enjoy getting high from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that either,” Kelly says before turning up the volume as Widespread Panic plays on her car stereo.
“This sticker is going to look absolutely amazing on my Nissan Juke. This will really compliment my Dave Matthews’ band bumper stickers. I can’t wait to see the cops’ reaction when they pull me over,” says Xavier Mann, Magnet class of 2008, and third-string goalie – lovingly referred to as ‘the chubby one.’
The general public’s response has been mixed, with many speaking out against the rush to acquire 4/20 inspection stickers. “April 20th is Hitler’s birthday, those hippies aren’t fooling anyone,” says resident Greg Fielder, Captain Shreve class of 2010. “I came here to get some new exhaust on my Mustang, but I’m stuck waiting on all these Magnet douchebags getting inspection stickers they don’t even need. One guy has been selling gluten-free Bernie Sanders’ t-shirts and Clif bars for the last 30 minutes making a small fortune.”
Meanwhile, Shreveport Police say they are offering tips to residents who legitimately need an inspection sticker this month. “We’ve decided to give a one month grace period for those with expired inspection stickers,” says Shreveport Police public relations officer Zachariah Hubbel. “If you absolutely feel obligated to get one anyway, and see any drum circles, just leave immediately. If you hear Three Little Birds playing, it’s already too late, so it’s important to remain vigilant.”