SHREVEPORT, La. Last Saturday, local car salesman and self-proclaimed cryptocurrency enthusiast Pete Abbott was invited to Central Station to spend a fun-filled night with several of his female friends. “I’ve got an obligation to the women of Shreveport. I’m sweet, but I’m a protector. It’s biology,” Pete tells The Crayfish at the bar at Central before putting nearly an entire can of Coppenhagen Fine Cut dip in his top lip. “Only pussies put [dip] in their bottom lip and that’s not what I’m about.”
After nearly passing out from nicotine sickness, Pete began to open up after drinking some PBR that his girlfriend smuggled in her purse. “I’m having a pretty good time. I mean, I’d rather be at Phoenix Underground, but this is ok,” Pete says taking a sip of his new beverage of choice, a Peach Bellini. “Rockin Rodeo was really where is was at. I was slamming so many chicks every weekend, you have no idea. So many chicks,” Pete says bobbing his head slightly to Rhythm is a Dancer. “Ask any of my boys and they’ll say, ‘Pete slams loads of chicks,’ that’s my nickname, actually, Pete Chick-Slamming Abbott. That’s my Snapchat name, too, by the way. You get the picture.”
After nearly an hour of squaring up to random patrons in the club, Pete began to liven up and move through the crowd. “What is that guy’s problem,” several club-goers could be heard saying aloud passing by as Pete would regularly blurt out, “Did you just bump into me bro? Let’s take this outside!”
Indeed many had bumped into him, because this is a nightclub packed tightly with people. As the night was coming to close and Be My Lover was nearing its crescendo, Pete finally spoke to other people in the club. “One guy gave me some cologne advice, which is so helpful when going out with chicks. I’m going to be getting rid of the Curve and picking up some Aqua Digio. My friends don’t even do stuff like that, what a sweetheart,” says Pete taking a drag from a Marlboro Light 100.
When asked if he will be back to Central, Pete says, “Hell yes I’ll be back,” he pauses, “I mean, if the chicks ask me to, I’ll have to come back, I guess.”