The Demented Half Dozen: Port City Pregame Rituals

Francesca Fiori Football, Sports 0 Comments

CE Byrd Yellowjackets

Players meet in the school cafeteria to devour their traditional pregame meal of shrimp cocktails and sherry then take the walk down, then up, then down, then up again, then finally down, Victory Hill(s) from Line Avenue to East 70th to their home stadium on the campus of Captain Shreve High School.  There they are met by Byrd’s student body, “The Hive.”  Yellow Jackets are wasps and wasps have nests, but the conundrum is easily explained by having a magnet school with a top flight athletic program. Also, neither “The Nest” nor the “Byrd Honeybees” are sufficiently intimidating, so science be damned.

BTW/Fair Park Lions/Indians

Alumni from both schools compete in a tournament featuring Indian wrestling and lion taming (participants must furnish their own whips and chairs). Winner earns the right to have their school’s uniform worn for that night’s game.  In the event of a tie the team is renamed the “Lindians” and players rock gear similar to Charles Lindbergh’s flight suit worn during his record breaking transatlantic flight.

Loyola Flyers

Players are entertained by world renowned cellist Yo Yo Ma, flown in from New York City on game day.  Ma plays a variety of selections, usually a concerto by Wagner, sometimes Beethoven, but never Mozart (according to one alumni he’s “a little light for this kind of work”).  After feasting on veal scallopini and fettuccine bolognese they are each given their Last Rites, then adjourn to the locker room where they view “You’re A Good Sport, Charlie Brown.”  During warmups a prepubescent girl is picked from the stands to yank the ball away from the Flyers kicker as he practices extra points.

Evangel Eagles

Similar to the University of Arkansas’ “Calling The Hogs,” ECA fans participate in “Calling The God.”  At exactly 6:47:03 (777 seconds before the 7PM kickoff) the visage of Samuel L. Jackson appears on the south end zone Jumbotron.  Fans, players, and coaches stretch their arms to the heavens and join Pulp Fiction’s favorite hitman in the recitation of Ezekiel 25:17. As of December, 2016 ECA has collected a state record twelve forfeits as a direct result of this pregame ritual.

Southwood Cowboys

Southwood has one of best daycare programs in the state, so their pregame ritual can be inferred.

Calvary Baptist Academy Cavaliers

A ritual stemming from the school’s previous financial issues fans participate in what is now called “Reimbursing The Referees.” Officials for that night’s game stand in the concession area while fans parade by, pinning dollar bills to their pockets to mimic the flags that will (or will not) be thrown that night. Fans have the option of using duct tape or safety pins, but staple guns and ice picks are no longer allowed.

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