LSU Eyes Shreveport Calico for Mike VII

Dax LaCray Crayfish, Sports 0 Comments

SHREVEPORT, La. – Residents of South Highlands may be pleasantly surprised to learn that the popular Monrovia Street cat, Mr. Tiddlywinks, has an inside track on becoming the newest, live, feline mascot at LSU. “The SEC has always had a great tradition of having live mascots. Georgia has UGA, Auburn has the War Eagle Tiger Eagle, Texas A&M has a bunch of guys dressed like UPS employees, and Arkansas has Bret Bielema. The gold standard of mascots has always been here at LSU. That’s something we really take pride in and we want to maintain that tradition,” says LSU Athletic Director Joe Alleva. “Mr. Tiddlywinks has a lot of positive qualities that we are looking for in the latest iteration of ‘Mike’ that I think really reflects positively on the university.”
Residents of South Highlands echo Alleva’s sentiments by recalling some of Mr. Tiddlywinks’ most amazing feats. “I saw that damn cat jump on this fella that was in the wrong bike lane down there on Gilbert. He set that guy straight, just before the guy was run over trying to cross Kings Highway,” says South Highlands resident Vic Sterling. “Rumor has it that Mr. Tiddlywinks even crossed Youree Drive a time or two. That cat has some stones. The pride of Monrovia – God bless him.”

Here’s a short bio on the prospective Mike VII:

Age: 4
Single
12 children
493 grandchildren
526,801 great-grandchildren
Favorite Song: Cat Scratch Fever
Favorite Movie: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof or Transformers 2
Favorite Local Restaurant: Podnuh’s

Mr. Tiddlywinks could be named as Mike in the coming weeks before the 2017 football season. “For the first time ever, at the opening game we want to send out Mike with the team as they run out of the tunnel. The excitement in the stadium would be unmatched as Coach O and Mike VII run out to midfield on the newly-painted Calico cat eye. I may even let the band play ‘Neck’ again to show those Mormon boys from BYU that ‘you ain’t in Utah anymore, bitches,'” says Alleva before taking a bite of a vegetarian corndog.
“Ah, I like de cat a whole lot. I met him up dere in Shreveport. When I saw dat boy for de first time, I just knew that dis was what our guys needed to get dem excited and beat de ever-loving hell out of [unintelligible screaming],” LSU Coach Ed Orgeron screamed shirtless revealing his classic Brent Schaeffer chest tattoo.
Shreveport residents are understandably excited about the prospects of someone from the city representing the LSU tigers. “LSU surprised me with the hire of Orgeron, because I remember his time at Ole Miss. This is just proof that if you put your mind to it, you can be anything you want to be – even a tiger,” says one South Highlands woman.
Mr. Tiddlywinks is expected to have a farewell event at the top of Thrill Hill when an official announcement is made. We will keep you informed on the event.

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