Duck Pond Mallard Distraught After Visitors Stop Throwing Bread

Dax LaCray Crayfish, Lifestyle 0 Comments

SHREVEPORT, LA – Shreveport neighbors have been furiously spreading the word about the dangers of throwing old bread to the ducks in the duck pond. A sign has gone viral citing how bad it is for ducks’ digestive systems and how bread can increase the amount of algae in the pond. Not all the responses have been accepting, however.

One mallard has had enough and agreed to speak with The Crayfish. Phil Pemberton, a 3-year-old mallard says this has severely impacted his quality of life. “After 3 years of eating mostly bread, it’s hard to get excited for a torrent of grapes and seeds. I’d become quite fond of bread,” Phil said. “Sure, it hurts my stomach a bit from time to time, but I’m a duck, I’m eating whatever you throw at me and I know you’re throwing it at me, I’ve seen you wad up the bread to make it easier to hit me. Kids throw rubber pellets or cigarette butts and I eat those, and guess what? Philly P is still rockin’, let me live my life. I’ve got a few years left and if I can’t have bread, I’m not sure it’s even worth it,” Phil states. 

Not everyone shares Phil’s views on the recent reduction in bread. In fact, Phil’s wife, Donna, says that as a duck with Celiac disease that she is thankful to be showered with some gluten-free snacks. “Bread does a number on me! I’ve had to fly other places and rummage around to find whatever gluten-free foods I could find. I’d occasionally frequent the trash behind Whole Foods as a great place to find such things. Now I don’t have to worry about that,” Donna says.

Phil remains unconvinced. “I hear these ducks all the time saying they can’t eat gluten and they are thankful. I’m not buying it. It’s not statistically possible for me to know so many people with a sensitivity to gluten,” Phil believes. “Anyone looking to get rid of some bread, meet me at 10 PM each night, I’m the one with the green head. Just ask for Philly P and we can discuss the details,” says Phil.

We spoke with resident Jon Lug about the push to stop throwing bread to ducks. “Ducks these days aren’t like ducks when I was coming up. We used to peg them right in the head with balls of bread and never once did anyone cry about it. Now ducks are allergic to bread or whatever. Ducks are soft now, I’m not going to treat them special. It’s disappointing,” Mr. Lug says.

It seems the bread debate may be coming to a head as the lines have been drawn on either side of the debate. The Crayfish will keep an eye on any developments and keep you informed.

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